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marchkitten

Still Waters

Registrierungsdatum: 29. April 2009

Beiträge: 8

Geschlecht: Weiblich

1

Freitag, 19. Juni 2009, 13:18

Where There Is Light

The carousel begins to slow, I take my chances
so far we moved I failed to see
The recklessness I've shown in all my words and deeds
The good in other souls I never failed to see

Can you see a light
As far as the eyes can see
from this point above the world
where mortals dare their destiny
As it radiates, may I witness open-eyed
Let me remain where there is light

In want of courage, it is as a shield for me
In want of hope, it reassures and carries me
As it radiates, may I witness open-eyed
Let me remain where there is light

Letting go was never easy
Risking all for all I wanted, never needed
Deliberated whether I should serve the cause of greater things
As we moved worlds apart

Can you see a light,
as far as the eyes can see
from this point above the world
where mortals dare their destiny
As it radiates, may I witness open-eyed
Let me remain where there is light

The greatest words would still fail me now
These emotions, I cannot describe
I want to be aware, I don’t need to hide myself
And remain there till the end of time

The gods play games with mortal hearts
as the carousel goes round
As I looked on I saw the crowds
who gather, walk away

Can you see a light,
as far as the eyes can see
from this point above the world
where mortals dare their destiny
As it radiates, may I witness open-eyed
Let me remain where there is light

In want of courage, it is as a shield for me
In want of hope, it reassures and carries me
As it radiates, may I witness open-eyed
Let me remain where there is light.

---------

Feel free to correct!
I'm very unsure about the "As I looked on I saw the crowds who gathered, walk away" part

Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von »marchkitten« (12. Juli 2009, 22:37)

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thefallen

Still Waters

Registrierungsdatum: 15. April 2002

Beiträge: 7

2

Sonntag, 21. Juni 2009, 19:14

GREAT :thumbsup:

Some small doubts only.

--------------------------------

Can you see a light,
sounds more like
Can you see the lights,

--------------------------------

As I looked on I saw the crowds
who gathered, walk away
sounds more like
As I looked on I saw the clouds
who gathered, walk away

but clouds walk away is not a very common phrase (7 findings on google)

--------------------------------

In the last but one phrase in the line
Let me remain where thee is light
a r is missing.

--------------------------------

hope that helps
thefallen

P.S.

That is my favourite text on the album
because my motto in life is to see
always the good things in life and overcome the dark
There is no light without dark -
and as darker the world becomes as more precious is the light

It is the same as with the sky at night.
Everywhere, any direction you look, there is a star which shines.
We only cannot see the light, because we do not look long enough.
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Registrierungsdatum: 4. Dezember 2008

Beiträge: 11

Geschlecht: Männlich

Wohnort: HH

3

Donnerstag, 2. Juli 2009, 17:45

Good job!!!
Here some small changes (partially according to thefallen again;)):

Line 2: so far we moved I failed to see
Line 5, 19 and 33: Can you see the lights
Line 8, 22 and 36:where mortals dare their destiny
Line 15: Letting go was never easy
Line 25: The greatest words would still fear me now (not sure, what do you think?)
Line 31: As I looked on I saw the clouds (99% sure ;))
Line 32: who gather, walk away
Line 38: Let me remain where there is light
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Registrierungsdatum: 4. Dezember 2008

Beiträge: 11

Geschlecht: Männlich

Wohnort: HH

4

Donnerstag, 2. Juli 2009, 18:01

vielleicht 'ne klitzkleine Sache noch:

Das 'is' im Titel sieht bitte mit 'Is' ersetzen, großer Anfangsbuchstabe sieht einfach besser aus 8)
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